Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Red Velvet Rant

Everywhere I look; it’s nothing but red velvet cake, cupcakes, waffles, pancakes. I KNOW its Valentine’s Day, but PUHLEEEEZE!  How could anyone get excited about any food that looks as if it came out of an operating room waste container? It may be Valentine's Day, but I do not love Red Velvet anything.

Granted, a lot of ugly food tastes wonderful—like Gorgonzola cheese for example, but red velvet products taste like nothing but bitter, red artificial coloring and sugar. There is usually about a tablespoon of cocoa powder per recipe so it sure isn’t chocolate. One tablespoon of cocoa is like making a batch of chocolate chip cookies and only adding one chip. The only saving grace is possibly that most red velvet cakes are covered with a decent cream cheese frosting. Other than that, I think they are a total waste of good butter and sugar.

I just Googled red velvet waffles and red velvet pancakes. The results with pictures were horrifying.  These bloggers and TV chefs could be supplying special effects for slasher films.  Sorry, but these things are just wrong. Nothing like trying to kick up your Valentines Day ratings with substandard recipes, huh?

There are a few folks who’ve tried to come up with better substitutes for the red coloring with beets and pomegranate juice, and thankfully, those products don’t look or taste so awful. But fewer people want to eat them. To most people a cake loaded with beets sounds much worse than artificial red food coloring made from god-knows-what.

Just remember one thing: Red Velvet is for drapes and dresses. Or at least, don't make me watch you eat it.

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

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